We all need a laugh. Big, Small, Old, Young? Here is our selection of curated jokes we have found from across the internet that are appropriate for primary school age kids (and their parents and teachers!).

They are in text format, with simple Bold formatting on the punchline, so if you want to copy and paste any of them into your communications home to pupils, it should play nicely with most email and school communication apps.

Enjoy. 🙂


How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!

How does a scientist freshen their breath?
With experi-mints!

Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
Because she will let it go!

How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!

How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

What did the nose say to the finger?
Quit picking on me!

What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador!

How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

What did the werewolf say when it stubbed its toe?
OWWWww-ch!

What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom! 

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright!

Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaa-hamas!

What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y!

What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts!

Can February March?
No, but April May!

What did one firefly say to the other?
You glow, girl!

Why did the ghost blow his nose?
Because it was full of booo-gers!

What did the tree say to the wind?
Leaf me alone!

Why was the math book sad?           

Because it had so many problems!

What does a spider’s bride wear?           

A webbing dress!

How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?           

When it’s full!

Why did the student eat his homework?           

Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

What did the ground say to the earthquake?          

 You crack me up!

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?         

Nacho cheese!

What kind of plates do they use on Venus?           

Flying saucers!

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?           

A stega-snore-us!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?           

In case he got a hole in one.

What’s a snake’s favorite subject?           

Hisstory!

Why couldn’t the pony sing?           

Because she was a little hoarse!

Why did the egg get thrown out of class?           

Because he kept telling yolks!

Why did the music teacher need a ladder?           

To reach the high notes!

Why do bees have sticky hair?           

Because they use honey combs!

Where does the chicken like to eat?           

At a rooster-ant!

What do you call an alligator in a vest?          

An investigator!

Where do fish keep their money?           

In the river bank!

Why are elephants so wrinkled?           

Because they take too long to iron!

Why did the picture go to jail?           

It was framed!

What do you call a dog that can tell time?           

A watch dog!

What side of a duck has the most feathers?            

The outside!

What falls in winter but never gets hurt?           

The snow!

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?           

Sneakers!

What kind of room doesn’t have doors?           

A mushroom!

What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?          

A power plant!

What do cows order from?           

Cattle-logs!

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?           

Thunderwear!

What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?           

Bored games!

Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?           

They’re too cheesy!

What did the snowman ask the other snowman?           

Do you smell carrots?

What kind of tree fits in your hand?          

 A palm tree!

What kind of music do balloons hate?           

Pop!

What do you call a sad strawberry?           

A blue-berry!

What do you call a tired pea?           

Sleep-pea!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?          

 A gummy bear!  

Why did the tap dancer give up?           

He kept falling in the sink. 

How do bees get to school?           

On the school BUZZ. 

Why did grannie put wheels on her rocking chair?           

She wanted to ROCK and ROLL.  

Where do cows go for entertainment?            

To the moo-vies!  

What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces?             

A toaSTY ghoSTY.  

What colour do cats like?           

PURRple.  

What do you call a pig that knows karate?           

A pork chop! 

Why are ghosts bad liars?           

Because you can see right through them!  

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?             

Frostbite! 

 Why are teddy bears never hungry?              

Because they are always stuffed!  

What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?           

 A tuba toothpaste!  

Why do elephants wear sandals?       

So they won’t sink in the sand!  

Why do ostriches stick their heads in the ground?          

They’re looking for elephants who forgot to wear their sandals!

 Why do humming birds hum?           

 Because they don’t know the WORDS!

 What do fish play on the piano?            

Scales!  

 What do you get from a cow who gets her own way all the time?             

Spoiled milk!  

 Why didn’t the zombie cross the road?            

He didn’t have the GUTS!  

 Where do monkeys exercise?            

At the jungle gym!  

 What do you call a puppy stuck outside in the rain?             

A soggy doggy!  

 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?            

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels! 

 What do cats eat for breakfast?             

Mice Crispies!   

What did one plate say to the other plate?           

Dinner is on me! 

How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?           

You rocket! 

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?           

Spelling! 

Why was 6 afraid of 7?           

Because 7, 8, 9! 

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?            

Because he felt crummy!

What did one volcano say to the other?           

I lava you! 

What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?          

Twister! 

Well done for making it to the end of the page teacher! 🙂